How Love Shows Whom We Follow

A friend steps out of the room. How much does the conversation change once he’s gone? I might say something I’d take back if he walked in again. I might even be telling the truth. But why did I need him out of the room to say it? The audience changed. GOD was there the whole time. Psalm 139 says He knows the words on my tongue. Do I speak with the same honesty and care when my friend is gone as when he’s standing beside me? Psalm 139:1–4

What Scripture means by love

Christian love begins with GOD’s love for us in Christ. We love GOD with our whole selves and obey Him. We love our neighbor by seeking and doing their real good as GOD teaches us to see it, even when it costs us. Jesus puts love for GOD first and joins it to loving our neighbor as ourselves. The Father showed us what love does when He sent His Son so we might live through Him. Jesus laid down His life for us. Matthew 22:37–40, John 14:15, and 1 John 3:16 and 4:7–11

What love looks like

Paul describes love as patient and kind. John asks whether I will open my hand when someone has a need I can meet. In a friendship, love might mean listening when I’m frustrated, owning a remark that was unfair, or bringing up a hard issue with enough care to hear the other person’s side. When they leave the room, I still owe them that same honesty and care. 1 Corinthians 13:4–7 and 1 John 3:16–18

When our words and actions tell different stories

I say one thing to a friend and talk differently when he’s gone. I can laugh at a remark I’d never make in front of him, or pass along something he trusted me with because I like being the one who knows. Proverbs calls keeping a confidence faithfulness. James asks how I can bless GOD with the same tongue I use to curse people made in His likeness. If I need wise counsel or someone’s help to address real harm, I can tell the person who can help what they need to know. In either room, I answer to the same GOD for how I speak. Proverbs 11:13, James 3:7–10 and Ephesians 4:25–29

I keep quiet to avoid a hard conversation, or I use the truth to take a swing. Paul says love rejoices in the truth, and he describes that same love as patient and kind. If a friend is tearing somebody down, I can tell them plainly that I think it’s wrong. Before I speak, I can ask whether I want to help my friend see the harm or just want the satisfaction of putting them in their place. 1 Corinthians 13:4–7

Sacrifice for show. Paul imagines giving away everything he owns and still lacking love. Even an impressive act can come from a desire to be admired. I can ask myself whether I would still do the good if nobody knew I had done it. 1 Corinthians 13:1–3 and Matthew 6:1–4

When Jesus tells us to love our enemies

Jesus asks what is remarkable about loving people who love us back. Then He names the people we would rather leave out. Love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you. Pray for those who mistreat and persecute you. He points us to our Father, who gives sun and rain to the evil and the good. The person who wronged me is still someone whose good Christ commands me to seek. Matthew 5:43–48 and Luke 6:27–36

What might that look like? I can tell the truth about what happened and pray that the person who did it would repent and find mercy. I can refuse to pass along an embarrassing story just because it would even the score. Paul goes as far as telling us to feed an enemy who is hungry. Jesus gives us something to do while the hurt is still real. Matthew 5:44 and Romans 12:17–21

What our love reveals

Jesus says the way His disciples love one another makes it possible for others to recognize them. John says a claim to love GOD rings false when we hate the brother we can see. He joins faith in Jesus Christ with love for one another. That gives us a question to ask about the direction of our own lives. What happens when Christ’s command to love costs me something? John 13:34–35 and 1 John 3:18–24, 4:19–21

In Titus 3, Paul calls us to speak with gentleness and reminds us that we ourselves lived in malice and hated one another. Then GOD’s kindness appeared. He saved us according to His mercy and renews us by the Holy Spirit through Jesus Christ. Galatians calls love the fruit of the Spirit. I need that help when I’m about to say something that will get a laugh at somebody else’s expense. I can confess what I wanted from the laugh, ask GOD for help, and let the story stop with me. Titus 3:1–8 and Galatians 5:13–26

Think of one person you say you love. What did your words do for them the last time they left the room? If you spoke unfairly, confess it to GOD and look to Jesus Christ, our advocate with the Father. You may need to correct the impression you left with the people who heard you. You may owe your friend an apology or an honest conversation. Take the next step trusting Christ for mercy. We learn to love because He loved us first. 1 John 1:8–2:2 and 4:19–21